I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
