i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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