Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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