i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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