Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've blown a few things in my day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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