Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
