I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
