he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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