It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
