She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize