I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
