just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
