You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
