Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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