Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
