I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
