if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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