she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
