once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize