nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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