So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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