sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
