Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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