You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
