Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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