my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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