four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
