I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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