You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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