Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
