Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
