Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
