In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
