Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
