it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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