Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize