Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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