I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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