so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we made out on top of his cat.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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