I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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