I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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