He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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