goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
