She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
