Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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