i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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