Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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