I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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