so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
