Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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