my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
