I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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