the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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