Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
