I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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