yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
