you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
