Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
