I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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