eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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