the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
