I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
