i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
