He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
