some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
